James

(Community Matters) There’s a guy at our church who’s dying. In fact, most of us thought his visit to St. James Episcopal three weeks ago would be his last. He had written a letter to all of us which the rector read aloud. James’ mom and brother attended the service, people said their goodbyes. And, I left wondering whether James might be Jesus in disguise.

Over the ten years he’s attended, James tested us. When he first came to our church, he was beyond beautiful, movie star beautiful –  square jawed, great body and mesmerizing blue eyes. And, he was a drug addict, a hustler, a thief and a liar.  He “borrowed” money, stole from parishioners, and is rumored to have broken into the sanctuary, stealing valuable items.

And, James has AIDS – he doesn’t know whether contracted through needle use or while in prison. He confided this to me probably eight years ago when he scammed $20 and was looking for more, deftly trying for a successful sympathy.

Because of various opportunistic infections and the lack of any medical coverage, James not only lost his beauty over the years but literally became so disfigured he’d scare children and adults. I imagine it’s been Purgatory if not a Hell for someone so accustomed to the privilege that comes with such beauty.

I noticed him leave the sanctuary during today’s service. We were surprised to see him there, knowing he was already at Doug’s House and given predictions he wouldn’t live this long. I followed him outside where he was having a smoke. We talked. He’s reconciled with death, appreciates that he’s had more time to prepare than most; he met his 17yo son last week for the first time. He credits St. James church for his courage and life turnaround. He seems genuinely happy. I told James he was beautiful when he was born into this world and he’s beautiful in a new way as he’s leaving. He just looked at me with those dimmed blue eyes, smiled and nodded his head.

If Jesus was among us, would he be tall, beautiful and charismatic, or would he walk among the homeless, the sick, thieves and whores, possibly disguised as one of them?